Sometimes I Wonder If Boobs Are Honestly Worth Having..

Back in the beginning of November I had a diagnostic mammogram and breast ultrasound. This was right around the time of my 34th Birthday and it was a very scary time for me. You see, about two months ago I developed this large itchy scaly maddening rash on one of my breasts, at the time that the rash came up my breast also swelled up like a basketball, got hard and lumpy, and red, and hot. To this day the breast is noticeably larger than the other, lumpy and slightly sore and the rash is still there.

I went and saw a doctor who put me on antibiotics and steroids and when that didn't do anything they sent me for a Diagnostic Mammogram and Ultrasound. I had the Mammogram and Ultrasound done the day before my 34th birthday.

The day I had the testing done my tests were done by an actual Radiologist and I asked her what she saw. She told me that she hadn't seen anything at all that had raised any concern so I thought I was in the all clear. I remember almost skipping out of the imaging center.

You see, the entire week before the testing I had been on Google like a mad woman. Google is NOT your friend when you are trying to diagnose a medical problem by yourself. When I googled Breast Rash with swelling and the 5th search result was a rare and deadly form of breast cancer called Inflammatory Breast Cancer. So naturally I googled more on that and before the day was over I had worked myself all into a tizzy...was considering writing my will, and totally convinced that I wouldn't make it another year.

So naturally when the radiologist told me she hadn't seen anything to be concerned about I was totally relieved!

(It was explained to me yesterday by my doctor that by law she was not allowed to say that she saw anything so technically she did the right thing but at the same time she also told a bald faced lie to me which really pisses me off, it would have been much better for her to just tell me that she wasn't allowed to say what she saw and that I would get a report from my doctor when the tests were finished, instead she gave me false hope..not nice at all.)

Well, apparently that wasn't true. How do I know that? Well, yesterday I got a call from my doctor who sent me for the testing to begin with, he had finally gotten the report from the imaging center. The news was not good. They had in fact found a few "areas of concern" in my mammogram, mostly lymph nodes that were enlarged , and there is an area of skin(where the rash is) that is thicker and has slightly increased blood supply. (These are NOT GOOD signs.)

I am going back in on Monday for a follow up appointment with him and to get a referral to a surgeon for not one but two biopsies. I need a Skin Punch Biopsy, as well as a biopsy of my lymph nodes on the left breast. (The only way to diagnose Inflammatory Breast Cancer for sure is with a skin punch biopsy so I will have to wait until the results come back from that to know anything concrete.)

I really don't have a good feeling at all about it because I am not one of those "lucky" people..

The only real upshot to all of this is that IF I do indeed have this rare and agressive form of Breast Cancer there is an entire treatment center less than 60 miles from my house that is wholly devoted to treating Inflammatory Breast Cancer at MD Anderson in Houston.

So I guess I just wanted to write this to get it all out of my brain so that I could let it go for today, and try to think on something else.. if anyone happens to come by and read this who has been through an experience like this please share some words of wisdom to keep me from going insane.. Thanks.